In the past few weeks, I have noticed myself “getting my groove back.” I have been laughing more, and my sarcastic humor has returned. (I just want to let you know that, the more sarcastic I am with you, the more I love you.) Also, I have been listening to music more—yaaaaay, my Slovakian 80’s tunes are back! Over the last few years of my downward spiral, my humor had disappeared, and I had stopped listening to music completely—the house was silent whenever I was home by myself. Looking back, I now realize how sad this was because, throughout high school and college, I was always the person with the loudest laugh. Well, I am back, and my laughter is back too!
Since the shift in my life—last Christmas—I have taken complete responsibility for the life I have lived. I understand that I am the person responsible for losing my sense of humor, and for not listening to music. Therefore, I have been “cleaning out my closet,” and getting rid of old, useless things: hurt, pain, and disrespect. Because of my connection with my spirit, the “spring cleaning” has gone very well and, surprisingly, pretty fast—except for one thing: forgiveness. I have had a really difficult time forgiving one specific person.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t forgive; I simply wasn’t willing to forgive. I didn’t want to forgive, because I didn’t think the person deserved forgiveness for the pain he caused. Therefore, my plan was to move on with my life: to forget, but not to forgive. It was like going to a movie theater where they check all your bags, making sure you are not bringing any candy into the theater. I even showed them my hands—“See, I have nothing!”—although I was, in truth, sneaking one small candy in my pocket. While I sat and watched the movie, the candy melted in my pocket and created more trouble. My unwillingness to forgive was that one small, messy piece of candy, holding me back from fully enjoying the thrill of my “movie experience.”
I spoke with my friend Ashley Ingram. Asley is an extremely intuitive healer because of what she has been through in her life. I asked how she was able to forgive. Her incredible answer got the melted candy out of my pocket: “Do you want to be the Victim or Victorious?” I didn’t realize that, by not forgiving, I was holding myself, hostage—making myself into a victim. There is one thing in my life that I always make sure: not to be a victim. Do you remember that I am the lemonade maker? I am certainly not a victim.
I was also discussing my “forgiveness” issue (by now, you can tell that it was a huge anchor ) with my spiritual group. The coach and leader, Tanna Marshall, sincerely wanted to help me move on. She quoted Malachy McCourt: “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Wow! That was powerful and helped me to finally understand that I was only hurting myself by not forgiving.
The next day, during my morning run, I once again had my special time with my higher source. As soon as I made the conscious decision that I was willing to forgive, the higher source took care of the rest. I saw myself way up in the sky, in a hot air balloon. The very last anchor that had been holding me down suddenly dropped and fell away, and the air balloon soared higher and higher into the sky. I looked down, and the “anchor” (the person that I had finally forgiven) looked smaller and smaller until he disappeared and became completely invisible and insignificant. He was gone. All I had to do was to be willing to let go of that resentment, and give up the rest to my higher spirit—and that’s how I got my groove back. :)
The most powerful lesson that I have learned is that I am truly the CEO of my own life. However, I am also the designer of everything in it, good or bad. The question is: Do I want the life filled with laughter and Slovakian music? Hell yes! And that means I must get rid of all the weights that are holding me down. There is no place for wasted space in my hot air balloon. “I am the CEO of my own life”—and my CEO balloon is triumphantly rising ever higher.
If you want to fly, give up everything that weighs you down.
What a wonderful message. So excited to see your growth and continued rising. You are helping so many people